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The Art Of Asking – What Can We Learn From The Amanda Palmer Approach

I read a features piece in the Sunday Times recently on Amanda Palmer... I had never heard of her -she is in fact an American performer who first rose to prominence as the lead singer, pianist and composer of The Dresden Dolls.  What interested me was the fact that she has a book coming out shortly called “The Art of Asking”  and the title gripped me.   The article referred to a Ted talk she did in 2013 on the same topic and so I watched it... a few times in fact.


Amanda’s talk is very personal to her own life, and she clearly demonstrates how asking for what she needs has worked for her and also benefited her fans. 

Whilst Amanda’s own asking approach might seem extreme, her key concepts are simple but profound.  It made me think that maybe there is some resonance here for how we work and live our lives.

Some Key Pointers:

  • The challenge of doing what is right for You vs What is Expected.  For example, it might be expected that you are fully on top of all aspects your job.  However, maybe some tasks bore you, or are tasks that you don’t like and therefore don’t do well.  You continue to plough your own furrow, trying to adapt, and spending huge amounts of time and energy on that part of you that is less effective...is there another approach?  Perhaps you might be better doing more of what you do well and finding someone, who loves doing the boring or routine stuff that you hate, to support you. 
  • Asking displays vulnerability, therefore it is not easy to ask.  None of us wants to be perceived as less than perfect.... and yet who amongst us is perfect?   Is it better to know what we need and get it, or ignore it and be less productive or effective?
  • Ask without shame.  By asking for help we connect with people, and  usually we find when we act honestly and sincerely people want to help.
  • When you are offered help, receive it gratefully.

It makes me think about how we manage and lead our teams, are we obsessed with the wrong question: How do we make people do what we want them to do?  As opposed to: How do we let them do what needs to be done?

www.ted.com/talks/amanda_palmer_the_art_of_asking?