What do we mean by Empathy?

Daniel Goleman defines Empathy as ‘the ability to understand the emotional make-up of other people […] a skill in treating people according to their emotional reactions’.  He outlines three kinds of empathy:
1 Cognitive Empathy: The ability to understand how people think and perceive the world. This skill  makes you a powerful communicator because you know how to put things in a way that can be understood by other people.
2 Emotional Empathy: The ability to generate rapport with another person.  This helps you to feel what the other person is feeling and creates a connection, or a chemistry, with them.
3 Empathic Concern: The ability to understand how a person sees things and feels in the moment and also the desire to help them if you see the need.  This is the sense of ‘I have your back’; ‘I care’.

Why is Empathy the Iron Fist of Leadership?

In our view, Empathy is becoming increasingly important as a leadership skill because the world of work is becoming more complex.  In today’s business model, leaders have to deal with multiple stakeholders; multi-national/multi-cultural dimensions; virtual teams and ongoing change. In his book, ‘A Whole New Mind: Moving from the Information Age to the Conceptual Age, Daniel Pink summarizes the changing trends in business using his ‘3A’ model:
1.   Abundance:    Our increasing demand for products that are pleasurable
2.   Asia:    A focus on outsourcing to reduce cost and increase efficiency
3.   Automation

Relationship management has become the new King;  mastering Empathy is the key to business survival. Pink predicts ‘power will reside with those who can relate successfully to others’.
So, Empathy is not about being soft and pleasing others; putting yourself in someone else’s shoes is hard work.  Goleman says ‘leaders with empathy do more than sympathize with people around them: they use their knowledge to improve their companies in subtle but important ways -  they thoughtfully consider stakeholder feelings, along with other factors, in the process of making intelligent decisions’.

Is Empathy hardwired or can it be learnt?

In fact it is both -  we all have a pre-disposition to empathy and it can be grown.  Mirror neuron research is helping scientists re-interpret the neurological underpinning of social interactions and why we develop empathy for others.  Mirror neurons are brain cells that fire not only when a person performs an action, but also when a person observes someone performing that action.  For example, when you see someone smiling, your own mirror neurons for smiling fire-up too, creating a sensation in your own mind of the feelings associated with smiling.  It is important to say, though, that whilst we are hardwired for empathy we can let our own frame of mind (biases, filters etc.) prohibit us from expressing it.
Some tips for increasing Empathy:
•   Learn to identify your own feelings, biases, and mental filters.
•   Develop self-compassion.  When you understand and accept yourself (warts and all), it is      easier to understand and accept others.
•   Develop your curiosity, ask people for their perspective and listen to ‘hear’ rather than ‘judge’.
•   Don’t be afraid to display some vulnerability – removing our masks and being authentic is vital for creating an empathetic bond.
•   Get a mentor and/or mentor someone.
•   Work with an Executive Coach.

References:
‘Emotional Intelligence ’ Daniel Goleman
‘A Whole New Mind: Moving from the Information Age to the Conceptual Age’, Daniel Pink
www.youtube.danielgolemanandbillgeorge:authenticityandempathy
Society for Neuroscience update  February 2013