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TRUST – An Outcome Not An Input!

In our work as Executive Coaches, we frequently discuss 'trust' with our clients; as a leader are your relationships trust based? How are your behaviours contributing to a trust based organisation? Does it really matter? Our contention is YES if you are interested in creating a culture of high productivity, customer focus and success.

The question is often asked 'how can I create trust'? In her Ted Talk, 'what we don't understand about trust', Onora O'Neill says you can't, what you can do is create the conditions that enable a trust based response. Trust is a response given by others as a result of the leader demonstrating trustworthiness and is assessed by how well the leader demonstrates competence, honesty and reliability.

Q.    What gets in the way of trust?

A.    Fear.

The natural order of life is to avoid pain - the cave man stayed safe by protecting himself from physical danger, today we build habits to keep us safe from feeling undermined, embarrassed and devalued. In her book, 'Conversational Intelligence', Judith Glazer discusses the relationship between fear and trust. She says 'when we live in fear, we withdraw, we build our own story of reality, imagine others are out to get us, and react accordingly. We stop turning to others for help, and stop taking feedback from them. Universal fears include the fear of being excluded - so we create networks and exclude others first; being rejected - so we reject first; being judged unfairly - so we criticise and blame others; failing - so we avoid taking risks and making mistakes; loosing power - so we intimidate others to get power; feeling stupid - so we either don't speak or speak too much; looking bad in front of others - so we save face'.

Distrust looks like this: You talk out of the two sides of your mouth - one to me, the other to your closest buddies. I'm afraid to share what is on my mind for fear you will use it against me.

Trust looks like this: I trust that you have my best interest at heart. I can be open and candid with you. If I do something unexpected, you trust that I have a good reason for it and discuss it with me from that perspective.

How then can you, as a leader, demonstrate trustworthiness so that you can be endowed with the gift of trust by your team?

Judith Glazer's 5 step Trust Model:

  1. Be present. Make yourself open to others by being tuned into your relationship environment. People want to connect, and if you are more transparent about what is going on you will send the signal 'we are all in this together'.
  2. Tell people where they stand. People need to know where they stand so they can let go of their fears and the question 'am I good enough'? 'Do I belong'? And can focus on contributing.
  3. Provide context in every communication. Providing context moves people from uncertainty to understanding. Without background, fear can be elevated by confusion and uncertainty.
  4. Allow peoples’ voices be heard. Frame conversations as dialogues rather than monologues. Creating higher levels of engagement builds a picture of shared success, which diminishes the fear of being overshadowed by people with greater status and power.
  5. Be honest. Tell the truth even if the message is difficult. If a message is fudged when the truth eventually surfaces the impact is twice as bad as it would have been without the fibs. 
References:

'Conversational Intelligence'. Judith Glazer Ted Talks: Orna O'Neill: 'What we don't understand about trust'.

Ted talk: Simon Sinek: 'Why good leaders make you feel safe'.